It's been days since I came upon the biggest mystery of my career as a geek-interest blogger/freelance investigator, and I'm still trying to fully understand the events that transpired. I arrived at the Mocca Art Festival Sunday afternoon, ready for a day of fun and comics, what I got instead, was murder... What follows is a summary of what took place that fateful day, be warned, it's not pretty.
I showed up at the Puck building on Lafayette on that sweltering June day to a surprise. Firetrucks! The building had been evacuated due to a fire alarm and the Firemen were sweeping the area, leaving countless comic collectors and creators cast out into the heat. I took a look around as the firemen were packing up and a distinct odor hit me square in the face - charred flesh. I knew at once that this was no false alarm, someone had been murdered, and the body had probably been burned to get rid of the evidence. The firemen I questioned acted as if they didn't know what I was talking about, likely the body had been removed before they arrived. They began letting us into the building, and I decided that I wouldn't rest until I had solved this mystery.
Everyone is a suspect...
I walked in and headed to my left, into a wing full of tables and comic creators hocking their goods. People shoved past in anticipation of new books. I stopped off at the Top Shelf booth figuring the comic powerhouse would know what was up. Liz Prince, author of Will You Still Love Me If I Wet The Bed? paused for a moment to talk and sell me her book, but claimed ignorance about the murder. She said no one at Top Shelf knew anything, and they were in the business of comics, not murder. I moved on in my search, if there were answers to be found, they wouldn't be at Top Shelf.
Liz Prince: Probably not a murder
I stopped off at Liz Baille's table to grab a couple issues of "My Brain Hurts." The lady looks like someone I wouldn't want to challenge to a knife fight, but torching a corpse didn't seem her style. I moved on to famous artist and creator
Evan Dorkin, creator of such comics as Milk and Cheese and Dork. He was swamped with fans and had little time to talk, but I managed to ask if he believed his characters Milk and Cheese could have been involved in the murder. He responded "Milk and Cheese aren't real and couldn't possibly kill someone, what the hell are you even talking about?" He was miffed and I didn't want to rub him the wrong way, so I took off, noting that I should keep an eye on him.
Dorkin irked at my line of questioning
I stumbled over to the Picturebox table, where Director Michel Gondry and his son were signing their books. I was hesitant to bother the man, but someone had definitely been offed, and justice had to be served. I paused to buy his book along with his son's, and while he was signing, asked if he had heard anything about a murder or a burning body. He looked up at me and just stared, as if he hadn't understood a word I had said. Knowing Mr. Gondry, anything he would tell me would be laced with indecipherable metaphor and dream-like allusion, so I thanked him for his book and made myself scarce. I didn't think Gondry would be involved anyway, after all, he directed Eternal Sunshine and a short involving David Cross dressed up as a turd. That guy wouldn't hurt a fly.
Michel Gondry: not a suspect
I made my way to the elevators, maybe someone on the upper floors would know what had happened. There was plenty to take in, but I stopped off at this crazy looking joint
to ask a few questions of
Skeightfast Dyephun! creator Vic Giannini. This guy was no friend to authority, but I thought he might be able to give me some dirt. Before I could even get word one out he was in my face. "Get lost flatfoot, I don't talk to no private dicks." I tried to reason with him, but he was having none of it. I could tell I was in dangerous territory so I backed away slowly. Giannini might be the type of guy to tear a man to pieces, but he certainly wouldn't get rid of the body, more likely he'd keep it as a trophy.
Victor Giannini, about to lose his cool.
It was around this time that I ran into three guys from
Indie Spinner Rack running some game on the
Templar, AZ booth. I asked them what all the commotion was about and they asked me if I was a gambling man. before I knew it I was sucked into their little game of dice and comic creation. Traveling around the floor they had a ready-to-play board game where the players were comic creators who had to pick up an artist, publisher, writer and supplies and make it to distribution first. I got well into the game when suddenly I realized, this was just a distraction, someone was trying to keep me from finding the killer! I shoved past the spinner rack boys and hauled tail away from the intoxicating sound of clattering dice.
You almost had me Indie Spinner Rack, but I've got a killer to catch!
As I tried to collect myself I heard a voice. "Hey Mister!" It was
Insult To Injury creator Ben Rosen. "I hear you're looking for information." "That's right," I said, "I'm investigating a murder and the burning of a body." Rosen glanced around. "Lissen, I don't no nothin about no murder, but it sounds like you're lookin' for some sorta deviant, so you're in the wrong area." He had my attention. "So where am I supposed to be looking then?" "You want to go see those webcomic boys down on the bottom floor, if anyone's involved in something like that, it's them." He had hit the nail on the head, and I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner! I bought his most recent book to thank him for the info, and took off toward the stairs
A book for a tip, a fair trade
I hurried into the webcomics wing and walked straight to the big man, Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics. North may have donated a bunch of his own hair to locks of love, but that doesn't mean he couldn't murder someone and torch their body. I asked him a couple questions, and his overwhelming niceness eventually convinced me that he hadn't killed anyone, so I moved on down to the next table to talk to Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content. This giant of a man was adamant that he had never had anything to do with any murder anywhere and proceeded to give me the patented "Jacques Stare." I continued on, determined to find the murderer.
Ryan North: Too Damn Nice
The Jacques Stare
I was running out of leads, if I wanted to close this case I needed to do it fast. I headed over to the
Dumbrella table to see if they knew anything.
Diesel Sweeties creator R. Stevens took a hard line that no one in his collective could possibly have killed and burned someone, and that I should "seek professional help."
R. Stevens was uncooperative in the investigation
I was just about ready to give up, when I noticed that someone from the collective was missing. Indeed, Jeffrey Rowland, creator of
Overcompensating and
Wigu was nowhere to be seen, in fact, he had been missing from the Dumbrella table since the alarm. Rowland's "autobiographical" comic Overcompensating paints him as exactly the time of man who would both murder and incinerate someone. Unfortunately, he was gone, and while various Dumbrella members and passerby noted that he was probably "getting food" or "would be back later" I knew he was gone probably already on a plane to a sunny little spot in South America till the whole thing blew over. Stevens was obviously covering for him, and he would no doubt stick to his story. Lacking physical evidence, I'd have to wait until I could sit Rowland down and pull a confession from him. It was only a matter of time before he returns to the scene of the crime...
Jeffrey Rowland took flight, probably because he was guilty of murder
That's all I've got for now, tune in next time when I try to solve The Case of the Missing D&D Miniatures.
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Summary only...
This Mon Calamari is right on, but the nudity upsets me. I don't want to see Admiral Ackbar naked. As a 18th Century Dandy, yes. Naked, that's too far.
This X-Wing is from Fark's Spore thread, though I couldn't find it on the Sporepedia. There were lots of imitators, if you search "x-wing", nothing quite as good as this.
Great looking TIE fighter, elegant in it's simplicity.
Shockingly accurate Watto.
Painful looking AT-ST, giving new meaning to the term "Chicken Walker".
General Grievous, with particularly good attention to coloring.
This could be Selbulba's ILM character model.
Charmeleon.
My main man 
Some sort of horrible bird Pikachu...I'll be seeing that in my nightmares, thank you internet.
An XBox 360 controller! Pretty terrifying. What are those joysticks supposed to be? Suckers? Nipples? Crazy.
Our old friend Purple Tentacle back from the LucasArts adventure gaming dead.
Mario Mario of the Mario Brothers. This looks like some crazy junkie muppet.
Boo! Literally. Not really as cute as the real character, but good nonetheless.
Wierd old Mr. Saturn, quite well captured.
Goomba! This is deeply upsetting to me. They went way too far in making him look like a real mushroom, with that gross fungal texturing on the underside of his head.
Pretty great Yoshi.
Wobbly legged Mega Man.
An amazingly accurate Master Chief.
Pretty good Sonic, albeit with webbed hands.
Now ZOIDBERG is the spore! In full mating season glory. There are lots of other Futurama creatures on the Sporepedia, including many many Nibblers. I couldn't find one that actually looked like him though, if someone wants to make one.
There were quite a few hulks, but this was my fave.
This is the best Batman so far. Humanoids are apparently hard to get right. Why the bare pecks, I wonder? Even better than this design is creator insertinear's species description: "THE BATMAN SPECIES HE IS THE DARKEST OF KNIGHTS WHO SOLVE DETECTIVE MYSTERIES."
The earth with a little mouth and eyes and one foot. Thaaats good.
Now we're talkin! The USS Enterprise. I don't even want to try to figure out how this is a organism. 
The Flying Spaghetti Monster. This is the best one I saw, but there are some really shockingly bad ones in the Sporepedia.
Here's a car. Little over complicated, but pretty neat nonetheless.
WHERE MY PEEPS AT. This is great. Even the texture is right.
A scary candy cane.
Cool motorcycle.
Albert Einstein's head. This is like something you'd see on the ground in Dante's inferno. I think we've had enough.
